My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
