saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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