Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
