My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
