Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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