It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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