Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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