she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
