:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
