Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its about making memories worth repressing
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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