Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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