awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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