OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
