So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
