Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
