I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
