twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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