I bet he comes in French.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
