She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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