I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
