you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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