I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
