Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
