soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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