and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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