Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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