its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
