i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You are a genius and a whore.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
