Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
