I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
