my mouth tastes like poor choices
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
