Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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