The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
