Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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