The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
