That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the day after is always just damage control
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
