Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
