he looks like a really good dad on facebook
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
