Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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