grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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