I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
