In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
