i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
