i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
