i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
