i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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