why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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