I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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