dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
