Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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