PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I love having hate sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
