i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
