Screwed.edu
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
