Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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