ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
