She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do herpes really smell.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
