How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
