it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
